'I'm not cutting grandma off for a stepsister I didn't ask for': Dad chooses 16-year-old step-daughter over his 17-year-old son, asks him to cut off his grandmother because she didn't get stepdaughter as many Christmas presents last year

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 4, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

You can't force sibling relationships between two stepchildren, and you can't force a stepmom or a stepdad to be accepted into a parental role by the child they're step-parenting. While it can be difficult for a parent when their child seemingly stubbornly refuses to accept their new partner and their children, it is so much harder for the kid to be gaslit into treating people who are functionally strangers as close and beloved family members. Emotional closeness between blended family members has to be formed over time, and there's a good chance it won't happen at all. 

It's common for children in blended families to feel like their parents chose their partner over them, but in this case, the child felt like his dad chose his stepsister over him. After his dad married his stepmom, he started to feel like a stranger in his own family, so he turned to his paternal grandmother for support.

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  • 01

    AITA telling my dad not cutting off my grandma not treating my stepsister same as ?

    My dad and grandma have been fighting a lot since he got married 5 years ago. Grandma knows dad has poured way more energy into his stepdaughter (16) than me (17) and she tried to warn him that it was pushing me away. Dad would get defensive and say I needed to adjust to
    via u/Latter_Touch_866

  • The dad in this story truly can't stand that there's a member of the family who does not treat his son like a second-class citizen in favor of his stepdaughter. Luckily, his son has a strong head on his shoulders and isn't going to succumb to paternal pressures. 

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10438169856
    via Egor Litvinov

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10501141248
    via Artem Labunsky

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    sharing him and look, I get a mom out of it like my stepsister got a dad out of it. She told him I was being left out and it wasn't his wife's job to make up for him focusing on his stepdaughter it was on him to be a father to his son. My dad called her an interfering old bat and he told her to f | off.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
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    Cheezburger Image 10501143808
    via Paul Jai

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.


     

  • 06
    I backed my grandma up during one of their fights and he accused her of putting it in my head. But I went to her about it, not the other way around.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 07
    So in retaliation my grandma has spoiled me and showered me with love and affection and doesn't do anything for my stepsister. This made my dad and his wife super mad. They said we should be treated equally or neither gets anything. My grandma wrote out what I got for Christmas the
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 08
    year before they got married, the year they got married and the year after they got married and what my stepsister got. She showed them the disparity in what they got me vs her. And showed she had previously treated us both the same with gifts and stuff but no more.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 09
    My stepsister is upset and hurt because she has no grandparents and wanted my grandma to accept her. I should probably feel bad about that but I don't. She got my dad so I'm glad grandma is loyal to me and not some new girl in our lives. It's not her fault.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 10
    But I don't consider her family. I wish she and her mom would go away again and I could have a good relationship with my dad again. But my dad is crazy about his wife and stepdaughter so it won't happen.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 11
    I spend a lot of time with grandma because of everything. This annoys my dad. He said I should be loyal to my family and I told him I am. He said he meant my sister and the family we have at home. I told him I don't have a sister, I live with a random girl but she's not
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 12
    biologically his daughter or legally his. I told him I'm not going to let her get everything while I get nothing. He said I had a better life than her before their marriage so can't I accept she needs extra and I told him no. I said he'd picked her over me and I wouldn't forget it.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 13
    Dad found out grandma got me a ton of stuff for Christmas and I told him I'm going to her house this year. He told me so I'm going to get showered in gifts and not cut off the woman who got her own granddaughter nothing for Christmas. I said I'm not cutting grandma off for a stepsister I didn't ask for and don't care about. I don't care if
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 14
    she doesn't treat us the same because at least someone is picking me over her. I told him this all goes back to him tossing me aside the very first chance he got and prioritizing his stepkid. He told me he was disappointed in my lack of empathy and I told him he disappointed me in his failings at being my dad, not his stepdaughter's dad, but mine. AITA?
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 15
    redditlurker1981 NTA. Your dads just trying to shove his new family down your throat, which never know why parents think that it will works. I don't Is your mom in your life? Can you go live with her?
    via u/redditlurker1981
  • 16
    Latter_Touch_866 OP Mom isn't in my life so I can't live with her.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 17
    Material_Cellist4133 Hopefully after a year - you can move in with your grandmother full time.
    via u/Material_Cellist4133
  • 18
    Dazzling_Flight_3365 At 17 he could probably do it now and nobody would make him go back depending on how close to 18 OP is.
    via u/Dazzling_Flight_3365
  • 19
    TheFinalPhilter NTA does your dad realize he is basically asking for you to go NC as soon as you turn 18?
    via u/TheFinalPhilter
  • 20
    Latter_Touch_866 OP Grandma has told him that but he acts like I should be a big enough person not to or whatever. I don't see why I wouldn't and he can't give me a good reason not to.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 21
    Black Butterfly46 This is why I hate blended families! The parents get married and expect for everyone else to share their love and feelings for people they really don't care about! If a relationship naturally happens great but trying to force it you will NEVER WIN!
    via u/Black_Butterfly46
  • 22
    sylbug 'Be the bigger person' always means, 'be a doormat'. Nobody who says those words to you has your interests at heart.
    via u/sylbug
  • 23
    Speed No7494 NTA. Your dad created this situation by prioritizing your stepsister over you and ignoring how it made you feel. Your grandma is stepping up for you because he didn't, and that's not your fault. You're just responding to being treated unfairly, and it's understandable you feel hurt and frustrated.
    via u/SpeedNo7494
  • 24
    Antique_Ad4497 NTA. Seriously, what did he expect? If I were you, I'd be asking nana if I could move in with her. He's being unreasonable, and just because you may have had a better life than her before the marriage is irrelevant. He shouldn't be pushing his own son out for another man's chid. That's absurd. I'm glad you have a strong bond with your grandmother. I miss my nana every day & she's been gone 4 decades! Please stick to your guns. Any parent that chooses a partner over their own child
    via u/Antique_Ad4497
  • 25
    Latter_Touch_866 OP He expected way too much and still doesn't get it. But he never will, he doesn't want to. So I'll deal with that reality.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 26
    Short-Classroom2559 Your dad sks as a parent. I'm sorry he's treating you like this. Go live with your grandma. You're old enough that even if he calls the police they won't make you go home.
    via u/Short-Classroom2559
  • 27
    Latter_Touch_866 OP I'll stay until I'm 18 just to make sure there isn't any legal issue with me moving. I'd hate to make life even more sucky even if it's just for a short period until I'm 18.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866
  • 28
    4000-young Info: what's your relationship with step sister? Is she smothered and caught in the middle or is she relishing in having a father? Regardless, NTA. You're entitled to feel the way you feel.
    via u/4000-young
  • 29
    Latter_Touch_866 OP I don't engage with her so there isn't one except for living in the same house. She loves having a dad. She's sad she doesn't have a grandma out of it too. She wanted to have a bigger family.
    via u/Latter_Touch_866

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